1 Those Who Are Bullied and the Harms 11

What Is “Bullying?” 11

Students Who Are Bullied 14

Bullied and Hurtful Students 14

Bullied Students 16

Identity-based Bullying 17

Societal Values of the Local Community 19

Identities 19

Implicit Bias and Microaggressions 22

Complicated History of Focus on Microaggressions 24

Ineffective Efforts to Change Implicit Bias 26

Implicit Bias in Schools 27

Respectful Dialogue 29

My Thoughts 30

The Harms of Bullying 31

Trauma 32

Academic Performance and Absences 34

Suicide and Self Harm 35

School Violence 36

2 Those Who Bully 39

The Quest for Dominance and Social Status 39

Public Stereotype 40

Motivations for Bullying 44

Successful Outcomes of Proactive Aggression 46

Situation Dynamics 47

Rationalizations 48

Bidirectional Aggression or Impulsive Retaliation 49

Bullying by School Staff 50

3 Lack of Effectiveness of Anti-bullying Efforts 55

Lack of Effectiveness 55

Survey Data on Bullying 55

Bullying and Cyberbullying Data 57

Current Anti-bullying Approach 58

Effectiveness of Prevention Programs 58

Student Perspectives of Staff Effectiveness 58

Effectiveness of “Tell an Adult” 59

Statutes and Directives 61

State Statutes and District Policies 62

The Problems 63

Shift of Focus Away from the Harmed Student 64

Lack of Effectiveness of Punishments 64

Enumeration of Specific Characteristics 64

Substantial Disruption Standard 65

Reduce Exclusionary Discipline 65

Required Public Bullying Reports 66

Characteristics of Hurtful Students 68

Failure to Consider the Data 68

Institutional Betrayal 70

What Schools Should Be Doing 72

4 Youth Development, Trauma, and Post-traumatic Growth 73

Key Areas of the Brain 73

Prefrontal Cortex – Thinking Center 74

Anterior Cingulate Cortex – Emotional Regulation Center 74

Hippocampus – Memory Center 74

The Amygdala – Threat Response Center 75

Neurons and Neural Pathways 76

Feel Good Hormones – DOSE 76

The Brain Development Process 77

Stages of Brain Development 78

Sensorimotor Stage 79

Preoperational Stage 79

Concrete Operational Stage 79

Formal Operational Stage 80

Teen Development 81

Key Developments During the Teen Years 82

Identity Development 82

Moral Development 83

Peer Relationships 84

Greatest Risks During the Teen Years 84

Acting Without Thinking, Especially When Upset 84

Failing to Predict the Consequences of Their Actions on Others 85

Playing “Follow the Leader” 85

Judging Their Value Based on Attention from Others 86

Experiencing Trauma and Distress 87

Focus on the Negative and Possible Threats 88

Intergenerational Trauma 90

Asking for Help 91

Your Child’s Brain Can Change 92

Post-traumatic Growth 93

5 Positively Powerful 95

Insight into Resilience 95

Positively Powerful 97

The Magic 5 : 1 Ratio 98

The 40-day Experiment 99

Reflective Listening 100

Empowerment-building Strategies 101

Make Positive Connections 102

Be a Good Friend 102

Friendships Insight 102

Insight on Friendships to Share with Your Child 103

Connect with Trusted Adults 104

Trusted Adults Insight 104

Insight on Connecting with Trusted Adults to Share with Your Child 106

Reach Out to Be Kind 107

Be Kind to Others 107

Kindness Insight 107

Insight on Kindness to Share with Your Child 109

Act in Service 110

Acting in Service to Others Insight 110

Insight on Acting in Service to Share with Your Child 111

Build My Strengths 111

Be Proud 111

Being Proud Insight 111

Insight on Being Proud to Share with Your Child 112

Strengthen My Character 113

Character Strengths Insight 113

Insight on Character Strengths to Share with Your Child 115

Embrace Failure 116

Growth Mindset Insight 116

Insight on Growth Mindset to Share with Your Child 118

Focus on the Good 118

Find the Joys and Be Thankful 119

Insight into Happiness and Gratitude 119

Insight on Focusing on Happiness and Gratitude to Impart to Your Child 121

Personal Power Insight 122

Be Mindful 123

Practice Calmness 123

Mindfulness Insight 123

Insight on Mindfulness to Share with Your Child 124

Keep My Cool 126

Self-regulation Insight 126

Insight on Self-regulation to Share with Your Child 129

Keep My Personal Power 131

Hold Myself Tall 131

Powerful Presence Insight 131

Insight on Powerful Presence to Share with Your Child 132

Control My Thinking 133

Rational Thinking Insight 133

Insight on Controlling Their Thinking to Share with Your Child 134

Release and Let Go 135

Forgiveness Insight 135

Insight on Forgiveness to Share with Your Child 136

Think Things Through 137

Think Things Through 137

Problem-solving Insight 137

Insight on Problem Solving to Share with Your Child 139

Focus on My Future 140

Future Directed Thinking Insight 140

Insight on Goal Setting to Share with Your Child 142

6 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Treated Badly 145

Understand Hurtful Behavior as a Power Game 145

What Young People Think 146

Positively Powerful Strategies 147

Make Positive Connections 147

Reach Out to Be Kind 148

Build My Strengths 149

Focus on the Good 149

Be Mindful 150

Keep My Personal Power 150

Think Things Through 150

Positively Powerful in Hurtful Situations 151

Engaging in Conflict Resolution 153

Responding to Hurtful Acts That Were Not Intended to Cause Harm 154

Assert-with-care Communications 155

Digital Communications to a Hurtful Student 156

Digital Communications to a Hurtful Staff Member 157

Start a Positivity Ripple 158

7 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Hurtful 161

Stop, Own It, and Fix It 161

Basis of Hurtful Behavior 161

Feel Out of Control 161

Retaliation – Often Impulsive 162

Want to Be Considered “Popular” and “Cool” 162

Two Types of Leadership 162

Rationalizations 163

Be Positively Powerful Strategies 164

Make Positive Connections 164

Reach Out to Be Kind 165

Build My Strengths 165

Focus on the Good 165

Be Mindful 165

Keep My Personal Power 165

Think Things Through 166

Stop 166

Focus on Your Personal Values 166

Avoid Retaliation 167

Own It and Fix It 168

8 Positively Powerful Strategies for Close Relationships 171

Enhancing Important Relationships in a Positively Powerful Way 171

Foundations of Close Relationships 172

Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships 172

Communication: Essential to Healthy Relationships 172

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships 173

Evidence of an Unhealthy Relationship 173

Consent 173

Times of Difficulty 174

Relationship Break-ups 174

Be Positively Powerful Strategies 175

Disrupted Relationships 176

9 Positively Powerful on Social Media 179

Positive Empowerment When Using Social Media 179

Historical Background 179

The Good News 182

Active and Positive Parenting 183

Through the Years 183

General Guidelines 184

Cyber-safe Kids 185

Cyber-savvy Teens 186

Do Not Let Them Tell You That You Are Not Good Enough 187

Capturing Your Eyeballs and E-wallet 187

Influencer Marketing 188

Data Collection and Advertising Strategies 188

Pain or Anger Points 189

Understand Teen Pain Points 190

Adding These Two Practices Together 191

Help Your Child to Keep Their Personal Power 192

Think Before You Post 192

Remember, What You Do Reflects on You 192

Positively Powerful Strategies 194

Keep Your Life in Balance 194

Avoid Addictive Use of Social Media 194

Positively Powerful Strategies 195

Connect Safely 196

Interact Safely with Others Online Interact Safely with Friends, Friends of Friends, Acquaintances, and Strangers 196

Detecting and Avoiding Dangerous People Online 197

Meeting in Person 199

Protect Your Face and Friends 200

Use Social Media Safely and Responsibly 200

Read with Your Eyes Open 200

Assess the Credibility of Information and Trustworthiness of People 200

Embrace Digital Civility 202

Foster Positive Relationships in Digital Communities 202

Positively Powerful 202

Be a Helpful Ally 203

10 Be a Powerfully Positive Helpful Ally and Leader 205

Being a Helpful Ally and a Leader for Positive Change 205

Positively Powerful Strategies for Empowered Leadership 205

Make Positive Connections and Reach Out to Be Kind 206

Build My Strengths 206

Focus on the Good 207

Keep Your Cool and Keep Your Personal Power 207

Think Things Through 207

Being a Helpful Ally 207

Safety Concerns 208

Step in to Help 209

Ways Your Child Can Step in to Help 209

Step in to Help in Hurtful Situations 210

Help a Friend in Difficult Times 210

Help Others Resolve Conflict 211

Say “Stop” 211

Important Safety Guidelines 211

Ways to Say “Stop” 212

Help a Hurtful Friend Stop, Own It, and Fix It 212

Report Concerns 213

High-risk Warning Signs 213

When to Report Concerns 214

How to Report Concerns 214

Leadership for Kindness and Inclusion 215

11 Federal Civil Rights Laws and Free Speech 217

Civil Rights Laws 217

Important Documents 220

Schools Must Respond 221

What Are a School’s Obligations Regarding Harassment Based on Protected Classes? 221

Complying with Federal Civil Rights Regulations 222

What Should a School Do to Resolve a Harassment Complaint? 223

Comprehensive Intervention Settlement 225

But My Child Is Not in a Protected Class 226

Civil Rights Litigation 227

Bullying of Students with Disabilities 229

DCLs Addressing Bullying of Students with Disabilities 230

If Your Child Is on an IEP 231

If Your Child Is or Should Be on Section 504 232

Parent and Educator Resource Guide 236

Eligibility 236

Aids and Services 237

Evaluation/Investigation 237

Section 504 Team 239

Bullying and Harassment 239

Procedural Safeguards 240

Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act 242

Free Speech 242

12 Stop the Harm 247

Insist That Your Child’s School Stop the Harm 247

Empower – Advocate 247

Individually or as a Group 248

Addressing Concerns of Staff Hurtful Behavior 248

Documentation Guide 249

Documentation of What Has Been Happening 249

Protected Class 249

Treated Badly by Students at School 250

Staff Response When Treated Badly by Students at School 251

Treated Badly by Students Using Social Media 251

Treated Badly by School Staff 251

Response If Reported to School 252

Harmful Emotional Impact 252

Harmful Interference on Your Learning or Participation 253

Aspects of the School Environment That May Be Contributing 253

Hurtful Response by You 254

Letter from Pediatrician and Counselor 254

Bullying Reports or Surveys 256

Preparing the Complaint 256

Desired Outcome 258

Possible Inappropriate Response by School 259

Investigation 260

Comprehensive Intervention 262

Positive Action Plan 262

Protection Plan 265

Holding Hurtful Students and Supporters Accountable 266

Motivations and Actions 266

Accountability Process and Agreement 266

Correct the Hostile Environment 268

Monitoring and Compliance 269

Proceeding as a Group 269

Likelihood of Success 270

Continuous Improvement Planning Approach 271

Blessings and Forward 273

Index 275