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How to be a Friend (In an Unfriendly World)
Barnet Bain (Author)
9781394388868, Wiley
Hardback, published 1 December 2025
192 pages
21.1 x 14.2 x 2 cm, 0.318 kg
A Gentle, Powerful Guide to Real Connection No Matter Where You Are in Life Whether you’re a teenager figuring out who your people are, a young adult navigating new cities and shifting circles, or someone in midlife or beyond wondering what happened to the closeness you once felt—How to Be a Friend (In an Unfriendly World) is for you. This book meets you where you are and offers a drop of joy. Originally developed from a Columbia University master’s course for psychologists, it’s written in warm, accessible prose for anyone who’s ever asked: What does it really mean to show up for someone? Inside, you’ll find: This is a how-to guide and a touchstone. A small-format companion with big impact. A book to keep on your nightstand—or give to someone you care about.
In a fractured, distracted world, people aren’t looking for another productivity hack. They’re craving something real. How to Be a Friend is that invitation. It is not a quick fix, or a lecture, but a grounded reminder of what friendship can be. It doesn’t preach. It reminds us gently, and with lasting impact.
If you’ve ever felt like the world is a little too cold, too fast, or too lonely, How to be a Friend is your reminder that you are not alone - and never have to be.
Introduction xvii Prologue xxiii Part I Separation 1 Chapter 1 The Stories That Shape Our Relationships 3 The First Story 6 The Second Story 8 The Walls Between Us 11 Rethinking Self-Mastery 13 Chapter 2 Competition Versus Connection 17 The Cult of Crushing It 19 The Dark Side of Competition 20 Exhausting Schadenfreude 21 Chapter 3 Friendship as a Portal of Awakening 23 The Awakening 26 A Call to Aliveness 29 Waking Up Inside the Second Story 31 Where We’re Going Next 33 Part II Healing 35 Chapter 4 Becoming a Safe Harbor: Understanding State-Bound Experiences 37 The Jägermeister Effect 39 Signals That Tell Us We’ve Fallen Out of the Present 41 The Gift of Understanding Our Patterns 44 Seeing the Body in a New Light 46 Why We Get Triggered So Quickly 47 Chapter 5 Becoming a Friend to Our Hurts, Triggers, and Patterns 51 Our Internal Protectors 54 Choiceless Choices 56 Outthinking Life: Our Personal Narratives Put to Use 60 Venturing Out Beyond Limitation 61 Through the Doorway of Vulnerability 62 Chapter 6 Releasing the Pain Held in the Body 65 The Gift of Remorse 68 Holding Grief 68 The Beauty in Our Brokenness 69 The Moment of Forgiveness 71 Chapter 7 The Embrace of Awareness 75 The Freedom of Awareness 77 Simple Tools to Soothe Your Nervous System 78 Out Beyond the First and Second Stories 80 Part III Revelation 83 Chapter 8 The Nine Tools of Friending 85 Friending Yourself: The Antidote to Ghosting 88 Tool #1: Strive to Provide Safety for Another 90 Tool #2: Strive to Reduce the Fear of Loss for Another 94 Tool #3: Strive to Reduce the Fear of Humiliation and Shame 96 Tool #4: Strive to Honor Where Another Is Coming From—and Where They Are Going 99 Tool #5: Seek to Provide Pleasure to Another 101 Tool #6: Seek to Listen Deeply to Another 102 Tool #7: Strive to Prioritize a Friendship with Commitment, Time, and Space 104 Tool #8: Seek to Forgive 106 Tool #9: Seek to See Another More Clearly 108 Compassion in Action 110 Chapter 9 Alone, Not Abandoned 113 Loneliness: The Uninvited Guest 114 Solitude: The Choice to Turn Inward 115 Self-Compassion and the Nine Tools 116 Loneliness in the Digital Age 118 Chapter 10 The Third Story 121 The Heartened Hero 125 Life Beyond Uncertainty— Making Friends with Flow 128 The Dance of Pleasure and Mystery 129 Chapter 11 Lucid Living 133 Freedom Beyond the Mind 135 Through the Eyes of Curiosity and Wonder 137 “Everyone I See Is Me”: Opening to the Inconceivable 140 From Lucid Dreaming to Lucid Living 143 Atonement 145 Chapter 12 Every Story Is a Love Story 147 The End of Otherness 151 Acknowledgments 157 About the Author 159 Index 161
Subject Areas: Business & management [KJ]
